Self-Care for Autistics
What does self-care mean for you?
I want to start this entry off with self-compassion. Self compassion is being kind to ourselves and it’s how you would treat a friend going through a difficult time. I’ve written previously that self-care practices will look differently for each of us. It’s taken a few years to realize that self compassion is self care — It’s all of these tips in the image above. It’s reaching out for help when we need to reach out for help. It’s reminding ourselves that we are worthy of people’s time, a valuable asset in society, and that we are cared for and loved (even if it doesn’t feel like it, sometimes). It can even look like setting personal limits such as boundaries — Seperating who you are in professional environments versus your personal life. That being said, I work in the helping profession and I’ve had clients that I have supported search me on my personal socials. This one incident a few years ago prompted me to take action and not include my first and last name on my socials anymore. I prefer it that way and it’s my own disconnect from the professional world out there if that makes sense. I’m still transparent about my mental health, trauma, and autistic experiences and challenges though. I’m learning to find healthy balances that work for me and this is all learning.
This morning when I woke up, I got out my gratitude journal. I know in extremely difficult times, I like to remind myself of what I’m grateful for. Upon attending a group in my early 20’s called Stepping Stones, I will never forget these questions: What are three things you are grateful for? What are areas in your life you wish to improve?
- I’m grateful for my two therapists. Therapy will always be a long-term commitment and I’m always learning something during each session such as the therapist (over the phone) telling me to set limits on the amount of time I use on social media.
- I’m grateful for life. Period. Even though I was a breech baby, I still survived. Why should I give up on myself now?
- I’m grateful for my place. It’s not my ideal place and there have been issues. It could be worse though. There’s people in far worse-off situations as compared to me. It could be worse. There are people living on the streets with nothing. I used to be that person in February of 2015 that had nothing and I can say I was homeless — The definition of homelessness is not having a home to go to and I did not have that; couch surfing does not count. I had no money, no phone, and nowhere to go. I blogged about this in the entry titled February 2015; It was family day where I started out on my own.
- I’m grateful for my close friends and, even though I’m at a distance from them right now, I know they still care and love me as there have been subtle signs.
The areas in my life to improve on and as discussed in therapy include:
- Reviewing and analyzing my safety plan when I do need it in times of crisis. I may need to review it today at some point because I’m still not fully myself. Writing helps though, especially with processing.
- Managing healthier coping mechanisms. This will include, again, reviewing and analyzing my safety plan, and reaching out for the help I know I deserve.
- De-attachment. I’ve worked through letting go and re-parenting myself, and I’m still working on this. De-attachment is a priority goal and this takes time. I’m slowly de-attaching and learning to love myself for me. I’m valuing the art of my own solitude the most these days.
- Practicing more gratitude and appreciation, especially in times of crisis. Gratitude is therapeutic and there is something very healing about this. It is highly recommended to start off with a gratitude list as soon as we wake up as this gets us going for the day.
- Enforcing more self-care which may include taking much needed sensory breaks just for the time being as I process certain situations and my immediate environment. It’s essential for my wellbeing.
I’ve learnt through other neurodivergent's and my own research what works for me. I had a close friend create a safety plan for me which had a few self care ideas on it. However I soon came to realize that the safety plan was not tailored to my needs. The safety plan that my therapist recently made me is better tailored to me and it works! My safety plan is a reminder of what I need to do when I am experiencing a crisis and I’m having trouble regulating my emotions. I have, admittingly, been in a few crisis-like states recently.
From the image above, I wanted to talk about each point:
Prioritizing rest and sleep: I know this one is very important for me. Like, when I was doing the overnights — I wasn’t sleeping at all and my structure wasn’t there. I thought I would be okay to take a break from doing grave yard shifts and, after a few years, do this again. I was wrong by a long shot and I learned the hard way, yet again. I resigned from my full time overnights job on February 7th, 2025. The after effects to my mental and physical health were significantly impacted while I was doing these shifts. I know now that I cannot do overnights anymore. I also would not advise doing overnight if you take ADHD stimulant medication as the medication will not be effective. Like, you have to take that medication at the same time, every day. I remember going into each overnight shift on barely no sleep or I’d make an effort to sleep from the time I got home which was 9am to about 9pm. When I debriefed with my manager and supervisor about this, my manager told me not to sleep right away and so I took that advice. I still couldn’t sleep and I found my day offs were ruined by me catching up on my sleep. In essence, all of this has contributed to a worsened not even just shutdown mode but Autistic burnout mode, and the effects of this are not the greatest as I do not want to be here most of the time anymore.
Eating well and drinking enough water: This is what I’m trying to do today. I don’t feel the greatest. However, I made curry shrimp and rice and I’d share it with you guys because sharing is caring but I don’t know how to send food over the computer. I’m trying to drink more tea and water today. I have the tendency to forget to drink water or even eat. I remember a close friend and I, we were always reminding each other to eat, every so often.
Identifying what consumes your energy: I know this one is important for me to remember such as being cyber stalked since 2021 and the amount of unnecessary attention I am giving to this matter. However, I feel the need to properly educate and provide awareness on cyber stalking, in general, and the impacts it does have on those impacted. As well, we need to be mindful on the amount of information that we do come across on social media platforms. Social media can, itself, be highly draining and time consuming at the same time. I know for my Autistic brain, I want to scroll and scroll and scroll to a point of doom scrolling and I’m like “is there an end?” when there is literally no end. I’ve been trying to enforce and set very strict limits to the use of my own social media for my wellbeing. It is necessary at this point, especially given being in Autistic burnout mode which is near to impossible to get out of. I need a ton of support, time, patience, CARE, love, and reassurance right now.
Creating time for your special interests: For myself, this can look like spending time with my plushies and weighted stuffed animals as these are essential to my wellbeing. At my place, I don’t go anywhere without my plushies. I like to draw and color adult mandala’s which I haven’t done in a while. Once I do color something again, I will share this with you guys. I’m not sure if this would be a special interest but I love to research new topics and be informed. As well, one of my special interests are the unicorns and dinosuars! Unicorns cheer me up.
Connecting with other autistic people: This one’s very important to me. I’ve been misunderstood and judged my entire life. I went from befriending to cutting off toxic fake friends in my early 20’s to only making friends who are neurodivergent/autistic themselves. I find we understand each other a lot more. We know how it’s like to feel constantly misunderstood or want to communicate but nothing comes out.
Seeking reasonable adjustments: I’m working on this one. I can’t stress enough the importance of having some sort of workplace accommodation. I’ve learnt throughout the years that accommodations are needed to succeed in any workplace environment. If only I knew this in my 20’s. However, I know now and I’m just trying to make my life a bit more easier these days.
Setting boundaries and saying “no” more often: I’m learning when I’m at the maxest spoons capacity to say no and that it’s okay to say no, especially where I just can’t. I’m learning to just disengage and do me a lot more, and it is not selfish to do that (I used to think it was selfish and that I’d hurt people’s feelings — that was the black and white thinking that most Autistic’s tend to get with our thinking). And during times of crisis and when I’ve hit my own limit/spoons capacity, I need to continue to say “no” and re-schedule things for better days and when I’m more myself. I can’t do much these days and that’s okay because I’m working on that. One day at a time. I guess this is where submitting the needed documents to get onto disability comes into play. These documents are due on May 5th. When I don’t have much energy and this has been common lately, I can’t do much and this includes getting back to my usual routine with personal responsibilities and work. It is even difficult to apply for jobs and job research. I can’t explain it any more.
Scheduling recharge time: To me, this looks like boundaries. It’s knowing when you need to take a step back and do what works best for you. It’s prioritizing you time and prioritizing more of your special interests (whatever this looks like for you). I know today, I’m in the mood to write. I have my days where I don’t want to do anything which was yesterday. I have days where I do feel productive. Other days are Netflix days. Other days are “let’s write about me and talk about my experiences” which is so important to do but then I’d be writing something and my adhd and autism would forget to publish the entry I just wrote such as this entry. This always happens!
Eating well and drinking water: It’s 10:00am on April 8th. I’m having a tea. I just got back from a surgery consultation appointment and I thought I’d be speaking to a psychiatrist during this appointment. It never happened. Apparently and I am not surprised but the psychiatrist referral got lost so my surgeon doctor had to re-send it. It can be mentally and physically exhausting having to constantly self-advocate for ourselves. It is necesary though. I have been eating quite well these days. A part from not having much income coming in, I buy food items whenever they go on sale and so that is when I stock up. My freezer is full of frozen chicken, pork lions, and chicken. I make do and, if I need to access a food bank from time to time, I will do just that! In terms of my water intake? I do need to drink more water and I’m appreciative when others remind me to drink water. I appreciate reminders so much!
What does self-care look like for me?
It’s about prioritizing myself and doing and getting back into hobbies and activities that I used to do, as difficult as this can be on some days. Self care for Autistic’s can vary and every Autistic person will practice their own self care in their own unique way and that’s okay.
I know that, for today and this week, I need to be in my dark room and to be surrounded with my plushies and weighted unicorn and dinosaur. Without my plushies and weighted stuffies, I have no idea where I would be as they are my friends these days. I have actual physical friends but they’re working and preoccupied with their own lives. Another close friend and I got into a conflict from early October and it’s the same friend I spoke about in a previous entry.
Last night, I did nothing. I spent the day and the evening on my phone and I played games. I decided not to apply for work as I needed to prioritize the spoons energy capacity for my surgery consultation appointment today. And after this appointment, I still do not have a surgery date but apparently they will call me (whenever that will be). I don’t trust the hospital near my house at all. They’re under staffed. I do commend anyone working in hospitals for the amount of work they do; I always give my utmost appreciation. So a surgery date is still pending. I did, however, fill out the surgery pre-operative papers which was a lot and I, of course, added my own awkward ‘side comments’ because I had to.
Today, I will likely write and draft a few more entries as there’s a few topics on my mind and I want to write. In the evening, I’ll watch this new series on Netflix I just got into called Control Z. And maybe later, I’ll tune into Groundhog Day as my sponsor had recommended to watch this. Apparently the movie Groundhog Day is like living your life on autopilot mode which is apparently really good for my early recovery so I’m looking forward to watching that!
That being said, today and this week is again about me. I’m learning and starting to value the art of self care and how evidently important this is for Autistic’s.
