Stalked in 2021

From the year of 2021, I was stalked by a user on Twitter who had changed their handle names many times. I had changed my handle numerous times. I tried to report what this person did to me to the police and the police responded with the following, “this is a Twitter issue. Report & block the individual.” And so I did just that.

However, with the many changes to the non-existent block feature on Twitter as of right now, I had to take a lengthy break from Twitter as I did not feel safe. With the block feature being ‘non-existent’ these days, I don’t really feel safe and that has to do with that stalker person from the year of 2021 and someone that raped me in May of and the summer of 2023. I’d name this individual by their legal name but there was no criminal conviction. The crown attorney stupidly and carelessly dismissed that very serious rape case in June of 2023.

2023 was a living nightmare for me. However, his username is @13papercuts and he doesn’t tweet and he probably has some other random handle as he’s notorious for that.

The stalker person from the year of 2021 started off with the username @piamaria200 and then @citizenp89. And sometimes their usernames would be of my name. Now, I never talked about this because I value and prefer being anonymous. I’m talking about it now.

And I want to be transparent about my experiences and what happened to me and how ‘one stalking incident’ from 2021 can actually have a major impact on someone to this day.

Yes, last week I experienced a ton of emotional dysregulation. I was re-triggered, re-traumatized, and in a state of ‘omg, I’m afraid of one of my close friends’ because of that stalker person from 2021. I am not actually afraid of my close friend. I’m far from afraid of her. She’s nothing but a good person to me who has helped me with a lot.

The @piamaria200 person started off with screenshots of not so kind tweets that I put out there while I was unmedicated and before Concerta (for ADHD) found me. I know to be on my Concerta. This person posted screenshots of terrible stuff I put out there and included my name, while ignorantly doxxing my employments.

I then had no choice but to deactivate all of my personal social media accounts, including LinkedIn. I still do not know who this person is to this day and I guarantee it is someone from a very toxic job I once had in retail. I left that retail job as a result of bullying. And I’ll speak on that soon.

The same piamaria person DMed me once and they were like, “you know you can’t rely on Twitter for support.” I understand this. I do not rely on Twitter for support. I have my other supports. I’ve learnt throughout the years to not give any attention to that. My 20’s was a matter of making a ton of mistakes and learning the hard way.

I am now 30 years old and I have a lot of self awareness and that’s why I am continuing to learn and grow through the positive connections and relationships I have made previously and recently.

I wasn’t budging with this piamaria account and their other fake handles. I even started off on other accounts because I know that everyone deserves an outlet and my preference is anonymity. That is actually why I keep saying ‘I am anonymous’ and ‘gratitude and appreciative for my anonymous outlet’ because nobody has the authority to really take away such a support.

Some of you may think, “ah, you rely on Twitter/social media for your support. Get a life.” That’s okay to think that and I respect your opinion. Everybody copes and goes through this ‘journey called life’ very differently and we should kindly respect each other’s outlets. It is important to do so. I’m autistic so having my outlets and what I have built and designed for myself is a necessity — It is crucial for my own wellbeing and I do get very defensive around it.

I’ve let a few in real life friends onto my outlets and, no, I do not regret doing so. I trust these people with all my heart, even though recently I have said not so kind things out of a state of being re-triggered and re-traumatized because of the stalker person of 2021. And call me crazy and pathetic, but I was thinking that my close friend WAS that person. I now know, as a fact, that they are clearly not this person. My close friend cares a lot for my wellbeing and I care a lot for them too, to a point where my friend IRL sent me a very nasty email and called me a psychopath and said a ton of concerning stuff about wanting to die in her email — Out of care, I called for a wellness check. And I truly DO care for this person, amidst the time and space we are taking from one another. They are still my chosen family to me and a very good and humble person and friend that will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

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The reason why I have my suspicions about the stalker person from 2021 being from that toxic retail job — It’s because of the way they act and they’ve honestly left bread crumbs throughout the years. It’s someone obviously much younger than me. It’s someone that cannot ‘let go’ and heal themselves. In order to fully let go, one must fully forgive the what was and not seek revenge but rather FORGIVE for themselves and only themselves. It’s obvious that person is not in a place of acceptance and self-love as of yet. However, this type of healing and therapy takes time and work.

It’s obvious that this person has to be someone that I may have angered and they think they know me well but I don’t think they do. Because even whilst I was working in retail, I was high masking as an autistic person. Nobody knew I was autistic there. People saw me as confident and eager to try new things. People saw me as a hard worker and able to apparently hold conversations.

And then the year of 2016 happened where I was sexually assaulted by a landlord and someone I worked with — Jeff Barrett. Now, I can name this person given that they’re WAS a criminal conviction. My friend in real life told me that I can name criminal offenders if there was a criminal conviction and so there was.

After being sexually assaulted in the middle of nowhere and in an underground parking lot, I felt nothing and I was very suicidal for years. I did not cope or handle myself too well, and I started to heavily consume alcohol every single day.

I basically did not want to live.

I lost friends from that retail job. Nobody believed me that I was sexually assaulted. Although, I still remember very vivid details from what I was wearing and where Jeff Barrett touched me on that very day, and how I escaped, even though I had no idea where I was.

2016 was a year upon living on my own and I did not have my family. I barely had friends. I had my retail job and that was it. I had my rental which eventually got shut down and that was it. And I surprisingly survived that rental experienced because, I guess, I really am tough and resilient. I do not put up with much.

I am, although, still very scared and vulnerable to this day. I am not longer naive and you can thank my horrendous experiences for that.

Yeah so, I lost a bunch of friends/colleagues from that workplace, retail job, and it’s because I was open and was sharing suicidal content and what happened to me on my personal socials. I literally lost it. And then upon doing doing that, I got bullied. I even made LIVE videos on Tik Tok whilst I was inebriated from alcohol. I then got rid of all of my personal social media accounts and resorted to only anonymous Twitter.

My handle was ‘tragicdisaster’ at the time. However, I do not have access to that account because I got locked out. I did not know about 2F authentication factor but I know about this now.

So Twitter has been my only source of hope and honest motivation and inspiration. I started off as a venting account on tragicdisaster and I had no idea what I was doing if I’m being honest.

I had no idea what ‘community’ meant or how to go about community for that matter. I’ve learned the true value of community which just means interconnectedness and being with one another, even amidst our own struggles.

I’ve learned through the autism community, where I’ve realized that it was true community and just how much I DO belong there. I knew something was off about myself for years and I’m starting to really value being different.

Being different is a very okay thing.

That stalker person from 2021 would rarely come at me and accuse me of lying about being autistic, like faking it. How do I fake being autistic when I’m actually autistic and I have known about this for years ? So these days, I tend to shut down conversations if someone says I’m faking autism just because I do not have an ‘official diagnosis.’ So what?

Self-diagnosis is very valid in the autism community and that is what matters. Being diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) has been a start, and I’m quite hopeful that I will get the proper and very much deserved and needed diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder in time.

The person that stalked me for years since 2021 may be still stalking me right now and that’s okay. I am not that person. My stalker is obsessed with me. They think they know me, when they do not know me at all.

There was once a time when I literally blamed my mother and accused her of being this person, and then I got further proof that this person was not my mother. One day, the stalker tweeted out about being a colleague or a family member and then something more about me faking autism. So I automatically eliminated family member as EVERYONE in my family knows that I am autistic and it is very obvious. Even I am no longer in denial about being autistic because it’s me — It’s my identity, like it or not. And I tend to put anyone in their place these days if they continue to be ableist. And yes, you are ableist to an autistic if you say that they faking being autistic. Please stop that behavior. I appreciate it. The autism community appreciates it too.

My stalker person is clearly not anyone from my profession because we’re all good people with good hearts in the profession. And I just cannot believe that anyone, persistent enough to bully an autistic to their almost death would so far just to harass, bully, and exclude me from groups. People in my profession do not do that period.

But anyways, I’m finding myself these days. A part of my healing and recovery is actually talking about that particular era in my life as it was super traumatizing and triggering. I have a right to talk and it.

Thank you for reading!!

-anonymous unicorn 🦄🦄🦄